May 2nd, 2005, 09:26 AM
letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)
I just found this on another forum and its defo worth a read
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this
three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had
not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity
of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,
so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to
rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can
have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working
day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat a**e waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes
- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am
still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my
mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a
variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an
answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be
transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating
Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't
care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's
in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,
therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were s**t, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of b*****ds you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - prats though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my
cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for
both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them
the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of t**ts.
Gigabyte Z87M-D3H l Pentium DC 3.2GHz l 16GB Ram l 64GB OCZ SSD l Radeon 7750 OC Edition l Windows 7 Ultimate X64
Dell OptiPlex 745 l Intel C2D E6600 2.4GHz l 4GB Ram l 64GB OCZ SSD l Windows 7 Ultimate X64
Lenovo ThinkPad T61 l C2D T7700 2.4GHz l 8GB Ram l 60GB Kingston SSD l Windows 7 Ultimate X64
May 2nd, 2005, 09:37 AM
May 2nd, 2005, 01:29 PM
The thing is, is that I doubt they would keep reading after the word testicle.
May 2nd, 2005, 04:52 PM
A64 3000+ at 3.2ghz
1gb OCZ Plat 2
DFI NF4 Ultra-D
Regassed prommie with R507a
Ah the new updatedness of my sig.
May 2nd, 2005, 06:43 PM
Lovely - Only the British have such a supurb command of their own language.
Current Main Rig:
AMD FX55 @ 2.9 GHz
2 GB PC 3200 DDR RAM
ABIT KN8 SLi motherboard
ATI X1900XT O/C to XTX speeds
AMD Athlon XP 2500+ Barton @ 2387 MHz. (217*11)
512MB DDR RAM @ 436 MHz. (PC 3700)
Abit AN7 motherboard
BFG GeForce 6800GT OC!
May 8th, 2005, 08:04 AM
lol, that's what I thought. They would keep reading to see what happened next.
Originally posted by Marvt74
I dunno, after all i did
Desktop - XP2100 @ 2.4GHz, Abit NF7-S, 1gb DDR500 Crucial Ballistix, 120 + 160gb HDD, Windows XP
Laptop - Athlon 64 3000, 1gb RAM, 40gb HDD, Radeon Mobility 200, Windows Vista
Server - P4 1.8GHz, 768mb RAM, 2x 40gb HDDs, Win2k3 Server
May 8th, 2005, 11:23 AM
He said "bollock jugglers"
....my get-up-and-go musta got up and went....
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